Episode 226: Sir Elton Pat is joined by Co-Host April Richardson to celebrate the music of Sir Elton John. From November 12, 2015
With your hosts:
Pat, April, and Kyle welcome us to the show. It's a quick turnaround for this episode, as it's being recorded the night before its release. Pat recently got his first Billy Bragg CD Worker's Playtime. April approves wholeheartedly. She's got a ton of stuff from Billy because he let her rummage through his office. What's going on with April? Her love life has taken a turn: The rad date that she had raved about on her last appearance has decided to just be pals. April appreciates him being upfront about it, but it still hurts. Has anyone ever asked April out after her stand up gigs, Pat asks. There have been weirdos who asked her out to dinner after shows.
April just can't get laid on the road; it's simply not in the cards for her. It's hard for a girl to get some ass, she says. There's safety issues, connection issues. There's a whole lot of rigamarole involved in getting your rocks off. In other news, Pat and April talk about Leah Remini's special of her speaking out against Scientology. Leah's husband got into Scientology because of her, then when she left, he left too. "Aw man, I'm never gonna find love like that," April bemoans.
Today's topic covers the career of the legendary Elton John. The man has had some hits, let me tell you. Pat sent out a call for listener requests via Twitter, so we're gonna play some of those in addition to Pat's and April's picks. April just wants to play the entire Honky Chateau, but she's restraining herself like a solemn monk.
We start things off with a request from the one and only David Wild. Off the album Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, it's the epic "Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding". The album went 8 times platinum. Yeah. Pat plays another track from the album called "Harmony".
April can't contain herself, so she plays a deep track from Honky Chateau called "Susie (Dreams)".
Pat has a request from listener Michael Bamford, also from Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. The song is called "Grey Seal". Pat realizes that Elton John had already been on the radio non-stop for ten years when April was born in 1979. April first came to know him as the "Donald Duck suit /bedazzled Dodgers uniform" guy. Pat loves Elton's 80s suit and hat phase. Or, as April calls it, his "step right up ticket taker" phase. And as we lovingly reminisce on our youth, April notices that she didn't shave her armpits.
Five o'clock pit shadows aside, Pat plays a song from the 80s album Breaking Hearts. The song is called "Slow Down Georgie (She's Poison)".
In addition to Honky Chateau, April wants to play all of Too Low for Zero, but instead she'll settle for a song called "Crystal". TLfZ is the first full album to have Elton and Bernie Taupin back together after their split in the late 70s. Pat offers April a choice: You can only listen to Lennon/McCartney or John/Taupin for the rest of your life. April goes John/Taupin because she got into them first. April was one of those hip young punks in college who dissed The Beatles.
Up next is a listener request from ME! Yeah, this is an awesome deep cut from the album Rock of the Westies called "Street Kids". Fun fact: I first heard that song in Grand Theft Auto IV.
The trio briefly discuss Elton's hair situation and then go into his output. The son-of-a-gun just cranked out those albums year after year. Sometimes two-a-year! Pat plays a song called "Part-Time Love" off the album A Single Man. The album was co-written with Gary Osbourne, the guy who replaced Taupin as songwriter during their split. April once again vehemently defends Elton from the "He sucks because he didn't write his own lyrics" argument. Well some people are good at some things and some people are good at other things. You put those people together, they can make something great.
April's got a pick from one of Elton's later albums, Songs from the West Coast. The song is called "This Train Don't Stop There Anymore".
Another listener request, this time from Dennis Hoxey. The song is "The Bitch Is Back" off of Caribou. April loves the live version with George Michael. She's listened to it a million times. How does she have time to listen to all this? Uh, duh: She has absolutely nothing to do. April's got no husband, no kids, no romantic endeavors, no responsibilities outside of stand up comedy. ALL SHE DOES IS LISTEN TO MUSIC!
April misspoke and said she had no wife, so naturally the conversation turns to lesbians. If April went lezbo, what kind of woman would she date? "Masculine ladies," she says. On the other hand, if Pat went gay, he would want a feminine dude. Makes sense, I guess. Elton's soundtrack work gets brought up. April isn't into that stuff. Even Gnomeo and Juliet? Yeah, ESPECIALLY Gnomeo and Juliet. Elton's husband David was a producer for the movie, so that's probably how he got Elton to do it. What do Elton and David get their kids for Christmas? Pat, April, and Kyle certainly do wonder. If April was that rich, she would pretend she didn't have it because she grew up poor and poor-to-rich parents tend to spoil their kids too much. Pat's daughters recently went to this new outdoor mall. Pilar gave them 60(!) dollars for food and shopping. This blows April's mind. "Where are they eating?!" she demands to know.
None of the three ever had it that good. April was amazed when her friends got to borrow their parents' credit cards. Even young master Kyle had to give his parents back change when they gave him money. All those Nine Inch Nails CDs that could have been bought with that change. They're gone now... like tears in rain. April wants Pat to adopt her so Pilar can give her money too. She'll have to do chores though, explains Pat; one of them being to shave her pits. "That's a fetish, right?" he asks. Oh Pat. You sweet, naive child. AAAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAY, Pat plays a song from the 1971 Friends Soundtrack. The song is called "Friends".
It's time for April to cry a little. Off the album Honky Chateau, it's "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters". Elton John is basically all April sings at karaoke because of her deep voice. Well, that and Danzig.
Meanwhile listener/artwork supplier Adam M. Jones has a request. Off of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, it's a song called "All the Girls Love Alice".
April almost stops the show entirely because Pat reveals he lost his virginity at 25. She needs the story NOW! Pat relents and tells the tale. As he got older, Pat got more self-conscious about it. Even when he dated girls for long periods of time, Pat could never pull the trigger. He just kept psyching himself out. Eventually Pat reconnected with a girl from high school and started dating her. No sex. Then she finally got fed up with it and jumped his bones. The dry streak was over, Pat's V-card had been punched. They broke up, then they re-met 30 years later at their high school reunion. She didn't know that Pat was a virgin when they bumped uglies, so Pat revealed it to her. April is flabbergasted. He didn't get laid in college? Of course not! He was too busy listening to Rockpile and Steve Miller Band and Styx and all the other stuff that no one gets laid to. So how many women has Pat slept with? He counts five. And April? She counts eight, which surprises Pat. It's a bit on the low side, he thinks. Lest we forget she did get married in her twenties.
"It should be higher."
- Pat, talking about April's number.
"I'm trying! I get a lot of 'No thank you's.'"
- April, with the line of the episode
Well this show definitely took a turn, so let's try and see if we can get back to the music. April plays "I'm Still Standing" off of Too Low for Zero. April sings along.
One of Elton's worst albums, in Pat's opinions, is Leather Jackets. He got it for Christmas one year from his nana, and even though he hates it, he still has it for sentimental value. Awwwwwww. Pat plays the one song he likes from the album called "Heartache All Over the World".
April matches cheese for cheese with her next pick. She plays "Club at the End of the Street" off the album Sleeping with the Past. April belts out a little more.
Listener Wendi Rae requests "Madman Across the Water" from the album Madman Across the Water. April continues the Madman train with the incredible "Levon".
April sings her heart out. "I could play Bon Jovi's version of this," offers Pat. "No one asked for that," rebuts April. Pat completes this Madman Across the Water trilogy with "Tiny Dancer". April had to rush to the bathroom during the song because her makeup was running. Pat wanted to see April do standup in L.A. on her Funcomfortable tour with Chris Hardwick, but he couldn't make it. Neither could Kyle.
We're going back to Honky Chateau. April plays a song called "Amy". That's the name of April's ex-husband's girlfriend. It's also the name of Pat's sister and Kyle's aunt, whom they both hate. Like, legitimately hate. "She's a huge bitch" is an actual quote from Kyle. Pat has no qualms about talking bad about her. He'll be cordial to her at Christmas, but he makes zero effort for the rest of the year. Pat says that Amy's misfortunes in life are her fault. She's a lazy mess. April's mouth is agape. "Welcome to real talk," she says. That said, Pat's parents are quite the enablers. That said, Amy doesn't even treat them nice. Well then. I guess that's Amy.
Listener Dave Meyer hates happiness, so he requests "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word" off the album Blue Moves. We circle back around to April's sex life (and recent lack thereof). Pat's theory is that she is a strong, opinionated woman and that intimidates guys. "It's an unattractive quality," notes April. According to her, she's had a lifetime of rejection. April's tried dating guys in the comedy world, but apparently they're a bunch of pussies. April has no game, no chill, no patience, no nuance, and she doesn't want to be chased. She also doesn't know how to play the game or how to flirt. So.... you're saying there's a chance?
Pat has a deep cut from an album called 21 at 33. The song is called Two Rooms at the End of the World". Mike Siegel walked in during the song, dancing like the handsome buffoon that he is. Pat and April ask the question: How many women has Siegel done the sideways tango with? He doesn't even know. Probably all that cocaine, it's fogged his memory. April tells Mike that her number is 8. "NERD!" he shouts in the background.
"Siegel we talked about you laying pipe, how many, what's your number?"
- An inquisitive, albeit unsubtle April
April has killed entire karaoke parties with this next pick. The song is "Sad Songs (Say So Much)" from the album Breaking Hearts.
Pat returns us to Too Low for Zero with the song "Whipping Boy", then April plays the title track "Too Low for Zero".
Pat then plays a song from the album prior to Too Low for Zero called Jump Up!. The song is called "Ball and Chain". It features Pete Townshend on acoustic guitar.
It wouldn't be right if April didn't play "Honky Cat" off of Honky Chateau. That horn section kicking some major ass right there.
There are WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many songs to play, so Pat apologizes to "Border Song", "Take Me to the Pilot", "Your Song", "Little Jeannie", Kiss the Bride, and "Country Comfort". Instead he plays "Elderberry Wine" off of Don't Shoot Me I'm Only the Piano Player.
Plugs time. April is still rocking the paradise on the Funcomfortable Tour with Chris Hardwick. Get your tickets people, support April Richardson, and support standup comedy! Kyle also has his various stand up shows, which you can find the details for on his Twitter and Facebook page.
Thank you to April for being here as always, as well as her being so enthusiastic about the great Elton John. This was a great excavation into his hits (and we STILL barely scratched the surface) and deeper cuts. April takes us out with "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" off of Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy.