Episode 213: Album Closers

Episode 213: Album Closers
Pat and Co-Host Mike Siegel play their favorite songs that close out albums! It's just that simple.
From August 13, 2015

With your hosts:

Pat Francis

Mike Siegel

00:00:00 Pat welcomes us to the show. We begin the show discussing tight underwear and Pat's low-hanging testicles. Yeah, it's gonna be a great show. Kyle is training for a 5K run. What does his training consist of? Taking the stairs at work. Get this.... it's THREE WHOLE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS! Slow down, Iron Man. Kyle doesn't even own running shoes, so he's gonna have a hell of a time. Then again, Kyle is young and nubile, so running a 5K wouldn't be too bad. Pat and Mike would be wheezing by the 60th foot. What's Kyle's time goal? An hour. Wait, an hour?! Where is this 5K taking place, Tatooine?
00:05:00 Turning to Mike Siegel, he is on this season of Last Comic Standing. Here's hoping he wins because he can buy a lot of party favors (a lot of white, powdery party favors) with the prize money. In the meantime, Mike and Pat are gonna sit down and enjoy another edition of

Keith Richards has a brand new solo album coming out called Crosseyed Heart. Pat plays a song from the album called "Trouble". Solo Keith is always a good time, so it's nice to see him putting out new material. There is rumblings, according to Pat, of a new Stones album possibly in the works. "Yeah, but good luck getting it played on rock radio," opines Mike. True, true. Classic rock radio is not playing any new songs by classic rock bands.
00:10:00 The Eagles get brought up, which reminds Pat that Don Henley has a new solo album coming out too. It's called Cass County and Pat plays a song from it called "Take a Picture of This".
"It must be a dick pic."
- Pat
"Or a picture of his face, which would be the same thing."
- Kyle, throwing the heat to Don Henley.
In friends-of-the-show news, Paul Gilmartin saw a shooting near here. Some nutbag was waving a gun around and the cops took him down with extreme prejudice. Suicide by cop, a rather bold way to go. And Paul Gilmartin was there to see it all. But enough about Paul and his live entertainment, let's introduce today's topic: album closers! These are songs that are, obviously, last on an album. The climactic curtain calls of the audio odyssey, if you will. Other names include closing tracks, finales, lid closers, headliners, and cabooses.
00:15:00 By the way, notes Pat, Christy and April will be back soon. The way the episode schedule has worked out (with the multiple guests like Frank Biernat, John Heffron, Jimmy Pardo, and such) and with April's standup schedule sending her to the far corners of the atlas, Christy and April have been MIA from the show. BUT they will be returning soon, so fear not. In the meantime we've got Mike Siegel, who recently saw the Wrecking Crew documentary and enjoyed it. Pat still hasn't seen the Dogtown and Z-Boys documentary that Mike lent him. He brought it with him on his flight to Europe and yet those specific pixels did not meet his eyeballs. Nor did Pat watch the other DVDs he brought with him, a collection of 1940s Popeye cartoons that his mom bought him. Let's just... Let's just move on from that last part, shall we? We've got some album closers to get to, people. Pat observes that some of his album closers are not part of amazing albums, they are just great songs. Mike feels the opposite of his picks; he specifically sought out great albums. Mike begins the pickings with The Beatles. While Abbey Road had "The End" and Sgt. Pepper's had "A Day in the Life," Mike picks the Ringo-led lullaby "Good Night" from their self-titled album (a.k.a. The White Album).
00:20:00 Pat was gonna end with "A Day in the Life," so he plays a little for us. Then he turns to the other half of the eternal argument, The Rolling Stones. Off the album Let It Bleed, Pat plays "You Can't Always Get What You Want".
Mike likes his funk and R&B, so he dives into the groove with his next pick. He plays "Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)" by Marvin Gaye off the album What's Going On. Pat has never heard that song before. "You didn't meet a lot of black people when you were a kid, did you?" asks Mike. No. No he did not.
00:25:00 Pat plays a clip of a promo of Last Comic Standing featuring Mike and he sounds great! Mike notes that his hair is quite flat, however. You know whose hair wasn't flat, especially during the 80s? Pat's next pick Ozzy Osbourne. Off the album The Ultimate Sin, Pat plays "Shot in the Dark". Yeah, Glam Ozzy wasn't the best look for the man. As the very funny comedian Jim Norton once said about Nancy Grace, "She's got hair like Ozzy on the Ultimate Sin tour." So just picture that. The bassist on the album Phil Soussan, who co-wrote "Shot in the Dark," sued Ozzy and Sharon, so the song is not on any greatest hits compilations. Sharon is not someone you mess with. She's basically a female Sosa from Scarface.
Mike's next pick is also on Pat's, so they record a very special "crossover song" stinger that will certainly be used for future episodes. Mike plays Led Zeppelin with "When the Levee Breaks" from Led Zeppelin IV.
00:30:00 Zeppelin IV is just 8 songs that everyone knows and loves. They recorded the drums for "When the Levee Breaks" in a giant manor. This incurs Pat to do an absolutely awful English accent. He makes Dick Van Dyke look like Gary Oldman. Thankfully, Pat returns to America with his next band, Eagles. Off the album On the Border, it's "Best of My Love". Bernie Leadon was still in the band for this one; he wouldn't get the boot until Hotel California.
00:35:00 Potatoes and shamrocks galore! Mike's next pick are the Irish stalwarts The Pogues. He plays "And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda" off the album Rum, Sodomy & the Lash. The song is about Australians fighting at Gallipoli during World War I. When Mike went to Turkey, he noticed the tour guy at Gallipoli had an Australian accent. He wasn't Australian; he just picked up an Australian accent because so many Australians went to Turkey to visit the battle site. The Pogues' lead singer, Shane MacGowan, is not high on Pat's list of beautiful people. His teeth are fixed now, but he used to be a dentist's nightmare. Or a dentist's dream, considering the amount of money you could make off those chompers. The braces alone would pay for three Bar Mitzvahs.

"I was an ugly kid, a real ugly kid. I once stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning." - Rodney Dangerfield
00:40:00 Pat switches gears and talks about Journey's drummer Deen Castronovo being in hot water with some serious legal issues. The band replaced him on tour with Omar Hakim, a well-versed session drummer. Pat wonders how the guy learned all those Journey songs in such a short amount of time. Mike, the most logical man in the universe, suggests that they practiced with him. I'd guess Mike is probably right with that one. Pat returns to the music with his next pick, Alanis Morissette. He plays "Ironic" from the big album Jagged Little Pill. BUT WAIT A MINTUE!!!!!!!!!!!! "Ironic" is NOT the last song on the album. Neither Pat, Mike, nor Kyle realize this. Come on, guys. Research is key!

At least Mike Siegel follows the rules. His next pick is actually last on its album. It's "All Apologies" by Nirvana off the album In Utero.
00:45:00 Up next for Pat features friend-of-the-show Steve Lukather. Yes, it's Toto with "Africa" from Toto IV. Mike recently had a "Pardo close call concert." What is that, you ask? Jimmy Pardo gave Mike a call about going to Chicago and Earth, Wind & Fire. Maybe a little backstage visit as well. Jimmy got sick the day of the show and called Mike, telling him there was a 90% chance the show was off. No worries, Mike booked a few shows to do instead. It turns out Pardo actually ended up going to the show anyway. And that, dear friends, was a "Pardo close call concert."
00:50:00 Not only is Mike's next pick the end of an album, but it's also the end of a career. It's "Redemption Song" by Bob Marley and the Wailers from the album Uprising. Good ol' Bob got a toe infection which turned to cancer and spread throughout his body, which eventually took Bob to the great marijuana dispensary in the sky. "He's actually strumming that guitar with his toe," says Pat. Pat also brings up Michael Douglas getting de-aged in Ant-Man. He's another guy who got cancer, except this time it was allegedly from dining out in Catherine Zeta-Jones' baby maker. Pat does a Michael Douglas impression and for some reason it sounds like Jimmy Durante.
"That's how Bob Marley got that toe infection."
- Kyle, referencing Michael Douglas going down on his wife.
"I was toe-blasting her."
- Mike, with his sort-of better Michael Douglas impression.
Dangerous fellatio aside, it's time for Pat's next pick. Off the album Give the People What They Want, it's The Kinks with "Better Things".
00:55:00 After brief discussion about Dave Davies and Joe Jackson, Mike plays his next pick U2. It's "MLK" from the album The Unforgettable Fire. There is an upcoming episode entirely about U2 featuring Murray Valeriano and Erin Gould. Kyle is prepping for the episode by polishing his earplugs.
Pat plays his next pick, "I Am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel off of Sounds of Silence.
01:00:00 That was written by a 25-year-old Paul Simon. Meanwhile 25-year-old Kyle Dodson is barely preparing for a fun run. Priorities. Mike takes a sharp turn from the dulcet tones of the acoustic guitar with his next pick, The Sex Pistols. Off the album Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols, it's the song "E.M.I.". Sex Pistols were one and done. Meanwhile the Ramones had 16 albums. Who was more successful? asks Pat. Ramones had two gold albums, while Sex Pistols had their sole album go platinum in both the US and the UK.
01:05:00 Pat is up again with his album closer. Off the album Excitable Boy, it's "Lawyers, Guns and Money" by Warren Zevon. Jimmy Durante returns from the grave to the enjoyment of very few.
Mike goes way back to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' self-titled debut album for his next song. It's "American Girl". And now Pat's doing Tom Petty. WILL THIS MADNESS EVER END?!
01:10:00 With his next pick, Pat goes with the critically acclaimed Rod Stewart album Every Picture Tells a Story. The song is called "Reason to Believe". Mike ponders whether Rod Stewart gets into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a solo artist if this album never came out. It's an interesting query. Oh great, now Pat does a Joe Pesci impression. I just... I can't even. This leads to discussion about Lethal Weapons 3 and 4, and, for some reason, Chris Rock's hands on SNL.
Mike's next pick would have been right at home a few weeks back. Off of Who's Next, it's The Who with "Won't Get Fooled Again".
01:05:00 After hearing Tom Petty earlier, Pat plays his supergroup Traveling Wilburys. he plays "End of the Line" from the album The Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1.
Mike's next pick is "Train in Vain" by The Clash off the album London Calling. Funny enough that song was not originally listed on the album.
Are you ready for an epic final track? Pat his one in the form of the nine-and-a-half-minute long "Jungleland" by Bruce Springsteen off the album Born to Run.
Mike's second-to-last pick takes us down to Country town. Off the album Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, it's "Jackson" by Lucinda Williams.
01:20:00 Oh that Van Halen. They have such witty album titles. OU812 as a response to David Lee Roth's Eat 'Em and Smile? These guys are hysterical! Pat plays a song from the downright knee slapper For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge called "Top of the World".
01:25:00 Plugs time. Kyle is still chugging away at his standup comedy. And remember to check out Mike making people giggle and guffaw on Last Comic Standing. He mentions how when comics get eliminated from the show, they have to see a counselor so they don't come back and shoot up the building. Standup comedians with emotional issues? Who woulda thunk it.
"Did people laugh?"
- Pat, asking Kyle about his recent open mic gig.

"Yeah... they're too busy-"
- Kyle

"-Not laughing?"
- Mike, with the line of the episode
01:30:00 Well another show is in the books and it's time to play the album closer for this 90-minute journey of awful impressions. Mike takes us out with his last pick, "This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" by Talking Heads from the album Speaking in Tongues.
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:05:00 Trouble Crosseyed Heart Keith Richards Pat (New Music Roundup)
00:10:00 Take a Picture of This Cass County Don Henley Pat (New Music Roundup)
00:15:00 Good Night The Beatles The Beatles Mike
00:20:00 You Can’t Always Get What You Want Let It Bleed The Rolling Stones Pat
00:20:00 Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler) What’s Going On Marvin Gaye Mike
00:25:00 Shot in the Dark The Ultimate Sin Ozzy Osbourne Pat
00:25:00 When the Levee Breaks Led Zeppelin IV Led Zeppelin Mike
00:30:00 Best of My Love On the Border Eagles Pat
00:35:00 And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda Rum, Sodomy & the Lash The Pogues Mike
00:40:00 Ironic Jagged Little Pill Alanis Morissette Pat
00:40:00 All Apologies In Utero Nirvana Mike
00:45:00 Africa Toto IV Toto Pat
00:50:00 Redemption Song Uprising Bob Marley and the Wailers Mike
00:50:00 Better Things Give the People What They Want The Kinks Pat
00:55:00 MLK The Unforgettable Fire U2 Mike
01:00:00 I Am a Rock Sounds of Silence Simon & Garfunkel Pat
01:00:00 E.M.I. Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols The Sex Pistols Mike
01:05:00 Lawyers, Guns and Money Excitable Boy Warren Zevon Pat
01:05:00 American Girl Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Mike
01:10:00 Reason to Believe Every Picture Tells a Story Rod Stewart Pat
01:10:00 Won’t Get Fooled Again Who’s Next The Who Mike
01:15:00 End of the Line The Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1 Traveling Wilburys Pat
01:15:00 Train in Vain London Calling The Clash Mike
01:15:00 Jungleland Born to Run Bruce Springsteen Pat
01:15:00 Jackson Car Wheels on a Gravel Road Lucinda Williams Mike
01:20:00 Top of the World For Unlawful Carnval Knowledge Van Halen Pat
01:30:00 This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) Speaking in Tongues Talking Heads Mike