Episode 204: Blue Pat, Kyle and Co-Host April Richardson play their favorite songs with the word blue in the title and talk about everything from eye surgery to Madonna in this jam packed episode of fun! From June 11, 2015
With your hosts:
Pat welcomes us to the show. April is in a tizzy due to her upcoming LASIK eye surgery. But what will happen to her cool, hip glasses look? April doesn't give a shit, her look is her face. She doesn't wear glasses all the time. "Hey internet nerds, glasses are not my thing," chides April. April is certainly getting some valium to calm her nerves. The meeting of lasers and eyeballs is not exactly a stress-free event.
Another satisfied customer.
Speaking of April and medical appointments, she went to her gynecologist today for a standard checkup. The nurse asked her a bunch of questions pertaining to being in a couple of some sort, and since April's inbox has been empty for quite some time, so to speak, the answer to all those questions was no. After asking the questions, the nurse was genuinely concerned about April's loneliness, wondering how the hell April hasn't dehydrated herself from crying all the time. She genuinely thought April would be freaking out because she wasn't married. It was very strange. Meanwhile April is still terrified of LASIK and Pat and Kyle are making fun of her for it to no end. April's okay with it; comedy as a defense mechanism against fear, and all that good stuff.
Today's topic: Songs with the color blue in the title. Pat researched (not really) that love is the number one word used in song titles, and blue is number two. Again, that's most likely wrong, but who cares? It's a podcast, baby, so let's go with the flow. Pat starts us off with "Union City Blue" by Blondie from the album Eat to the Beat.
April's first pick is The Velvet Underground. She plays "Pale Blue Eyes" off their self-titled album.
April wants to bring a chill playlist to her LASIK appointment. Pat brought that soothing James Taylor to his LASIK surgery, and it's a downright miracle that the doctor didn't fall asleep in the middle of the procedure and laser off half of Pat's face like a Resident Evil movie. No the doctor managed to stave off the ZZZZZ's, which means Pat plays his next pick. Off the album River of Dreams, Pat plays "Blonde Over Blue" by Billy Joel. April has never seen Billy Joel live. Although it would be hard for her not to see him nowadays. Billy's been putting away a lot of pizza slices lately.
April goes to England for her next pick. It's Britpop darlings Blur with "Blue Jeans" off the album Modern Life Is Rubbish.
Funny enough April is wearing all blue today. Pat can't tell though, his LASIK eye surgery took away his ability to see colors. Oh Pat, he's just kidding to scare April again, the silly goose. Pat ultimately understands fearful surgeries: he had a vasectomy. They put his feet in stirrups like he was giving birth... or at the gynecologist. "Nice to have a man know what that is like," chimes in April. The vasectomy was an entirely sack-based operation; one incision and a snip-snip of a tube later, and Pat was shooting blanks. He celebrates his inability to sire any future heirs to the Dodson fortune by playing "Blue Highway" by Billy Idol, off the album Rebel Yell.
Back to Pat's sack, there was a chance that his nuts would swell up. Hmmmmmm bigger balls, you say? I'm listening.... Anyway, Pat wore sweatpants to work the next day. His co-workers understood completely. April salutes Pat for being the one to end the bloodline and not having Pilar do it. She's married to Pat Francis; suffice to say, she's been through enough. And a band that has also been through enough (and is officially kaput) is April's next pick, The White Stripes. Off the album Get Behind Me Satan, she plays "Blue Orchid". The White Stripes are done. Jack White is too busy with his solo career and Meg White is too busy with... um... uh... her... fuck it, I got nothing.
Next up for Pat is a young woman named Madonna. He plays "True Blue" off the album True Blue.
Pat and April discuss Madonna. April doesn't like people talking about how Madonna isn't acting or dressing her age. "If I had her body, I would be in thongs until I'm 90," says April. Pat doesn't know if her wardrobe is silly or not. April says that Steven Tyler is silly. He looks like he fell through the roof of a scarf shop and never looked back. Madonna is Madonna. She's doesn't work in a bank, SHE'S MADONNA. I imagine April shaking Pat's shoulders repeatedly at this point. The Dick Tracy movie is brought up. It looked cool, especially the colors. Oops, the mention of colors warrants April worrying that she won't see them anymore. Kyle tells her she will be fine. April had a bar through his chest for two years and he turned out great. Wait.... what? Yes, Kyle had a concave chest which was pushing up against his chest, so the doctors put a metal bar in his chest to pop it out.
An x-ray of Kyle's chest. See if you can spot the giant bar.
The bar was screwed into Kyle's ribs. They had to collapse a lung to put it in. To take it out, they just unbent it and pulled it out like the sword in the stone. His chest was a bit of a problem; you could drink soup out of it. And if Kyle ever got defibrillated, he would have died. How lovely. Pat decides that this is the perfect opportunity to do his "repeat what people say" shtick. It doesn't go over well. Jimmy Pardo threw a microphone at him for doing it during an episode of Never Not Funny. Here is the video: Pardo apologized for it. And Pat significantly toned down the jackassery for NNF.
Getting back to the music, April plays her next pick. It's "Blue Eyed Boy" by Renegade Soundwave off the album Soundclash. April is seeing a documentary about Sarah Records, a DIY UK indie label. A lot of twee and jangly bands. Pat loves jangly things; if you shake keys in front of his face, he'll be busy for hours.
Pat's next song is a double dose of the cerulean dream. He plays "Blue Morning, Blue Day" by Foreigner from the album Double Vision.
Kyle has a song for our earholes. Off their self-titled album, it's Rooney with "Blueside". On another note, Pat Benatar said no to the show and ripped Pat Francis' heart in two all over again.
April's next pick is a band called Friendly Fires. She plays "Blue Cassette" from the album Pala. April STILL hasn't finished ripping her CDs into her iTunes because she's been on tour so much.
Solo Go-Go fo show. That's the idea of Pat's next pick, "Blue Kiss" by Jane Wiedlin off her self-titled album. Pat tells a story about how there was infighting in The Go-Go's because Jane and Charlotte Caffey were getting paid more than the other members. BUT Jane and Charlotte were writing a lot of the songs. It was the same with the Smiths, as April points out.
April's next pick is the legend Willie Nelson. She plays "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain" off the album Red Headed Stranger. April felt weird at a party when she realized she's the only person among her friends that knows that song.
Hey, you know what rhymes with blue? Jew, which perfectly describes Pat's next pick Neil Diamond. He plays "Song Sung Blue" off the album Moods. But Pat stops the tape just a few seconds after it starts. What's going on? Is there a fire alarm going off somewhere? No, Pat realizes that he has a live version of the song from the album Love at the Greek, which features Helen Reddy and Henry Winkler singing verses of the song. I shit you not.
We just heard the Jewish Elvis, so let's hear the actual Elvis, Elvis Presley. April plays "Moody Blue" off the album Moody Blue.
They are taping this episode on the same day as David Letterman's last show. April was never loyal to any late night person. She watched Letterman when he had people that she liked on. You need electricity for television, and wouldn't you know it, Pat's next song is "Electric Blue" by Icehouse off the album Man of Colours. How's that for a segway, you lucky so-and-so's.
It was only a matter of time. April plays the always awesome single "Blue Monday" by New Order. How does April spell that song title? J-A-M.
Kyle is hear to bum us all out with his next song pick. It's "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" by Eiffel 65 from the album Europop. What's April doing in her spare time? She usually has cool things to do, and Pat loves to live vicariously through April, sucking off her youth to stave off the cold steel of the Reaper's scythe. But besides her stand-up dates with Chris Hardwick, April has nothing going on. She's just buying impulse pizzas and marathoning Saved by the Bell. Hardwick treats her right when they're on the road, but when April is home alone, there is no voice of reason. "You need a best friend," jabs Pat. The concern of the gyno nurse strikes again.
Pat goes with a song from Journey. It's "Forever in Blue" from the album Trial by Fire.
You can't even understand what Steve Perry is singing. And the album cover is no better. Thankfully April cleanses the palate with the fantastic "Tangled Up in Blue" by Bob Dylan from the landmark album Blood on the Tracks.
Pat follows April's blue pick with one of his own. It's Stevie Nicks with "Blue Denim" from the album Street Angel.
Blue denim leads April to going on a rant against really handsome guys because they can do whatever they want. She says that every handsome guy knows that they are handsome, and if they say that they aren't aware that they're handsome, they're lying through their six-pack abs. Some handsome guys use their powers for good, like Jon Hamm. April just wants a nice guy. She met a handsome guy on a plane who had a girlfriend, and spoke very highly of his girlfriend and how lucky he was to be with someone as great as her. So April basically wants that kind of guy. She recently found out that she was being played for three years by a really handsome guy, so her salt and vinegar levels are clearly off the charts.
"I'm sorry, handsome guys."
"No one handsome listens to this show."
- Kyle, with the line of the episode
April Richardson therapy sessions aside, she plays her next pick. Off the album Violator, it's "Blue Dress" by Depeche Mode.
We heard "Blue Monday" earlier, so let's turn the clocks back 24 hours. Pat plays "Blue Sunday" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers from the album The Last DJ.
April goes to one of her good music friends for her next pick. Off the album William Bloke, it's Billy Bragg with "From Red to Blue". Pat asks April how she will feel when one of her heroes like Morrissey or Billy Bragg or a member of R.E.M. dies? Crying. Always crying. It would be like a childhood friend April once had a dream that Billy died. When she woke up, she had to e-mail Billy to make sure he was still alive.
Even if you don't know the person, there's still a connection because of the music. When she found out that Joe Strummer died, April was at her ex-inlaws' house. She started crying and they couldn't understand why April was so upset. Pat tries to cheer everybody up with his next pick. It's "Blue Highways" by Graham Parker from the album The Mona Lisa's Sister.
Kyle has another pick. He plays "Blue" by supergroup A Perfect Circle off the album Thirteenth Step.
April goes for another musica obscura with her next pick "A Blue Wave" by Cleaners From Venus from the album Under Wartime Conditions.
Pat has a blue cover for his next pick. It's Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs with their version of "Baby Blue" by Badfinger, off the album Under the Covers, Vol. 2.
We mentioned April's love for all things twee. Well, her next pick are as twee as you can get. It's Belle & Sebastian with "The Blues Are Still Blue" from the album The Life Pursuit.
Pat plays his second "Baby Blue" in as many picks. This one is by UFO from the album You Are Here. April isn't a big fan of the intro to the song. "It's a bit too Ren Fair for me," she says.
April is down to her last few picks. She plays "Daydream in Blue" by a band called I Monster from the album Neveroddoreven.
The Bruce Jenner TV interview gets brought up for discussion. April thinks it’s fantastic. She has tons of trans friends whose parents disowned them, so it’s nice to put it on the mainstream. Pat still doesn't get some elements of it, but he has no issues with any of it. It's fascinating to realize that Bruce couldn't be a woman when he was younger, so he just became as masculine a figure he could be to hide his true feelings. And Bruce knew he had the biggest story all along during his years with the Kardashian clan and their soul-sucking TV shows.
There's some more brief discussion about Bruce Jenner and transsexuals before the show turns to plugs. April is still on tour with Chris Hardwick on the Funcomfortable Tour. You can go to funcomfortabletour.com to buy tickets. Quick note: April may not be at the Los Angeles show.
April interrupts this program with a nine-second song. It's "Fingertips: What’s That Blue Thing Doing Here?" by They Might Be Giants from the album Apollo 18.
Pat's last pick is a classic from The Who. It's "Behind Blue Eyes" from the album Who's Next.
Before the show ends, Pat decides to read some complaints and grievances from an iTunes review of the War and Peace episode.
So the guy is upset that they didn't play the songs he wanted them to play. Well, let's all just get in the time machine and re-record the episode... schmuck.
April takes us home from this two-hour explosion of blue songs and lasers with Manic Street Preachers. She plays "Wattsville Blues" from the album Know Your Enemy.