Episode 175: Smile Train

Episode 175: Smile Train
Pardcast-a-thon 2014 is coming up next week so Pat along with guests Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap will play some of their favorite songs with "smile" or "train" in the title. (Pardcast-a-thon is Never Not Funny's annual 12-hour live-stream charity to event to raise money for Smile Train. Watch live on November 28th, Noon - Midnight PST at pardcast.com! Learn more and donate via smiletrain.org/pcat12)
From November 20, 2014

With your host:

Pat Francis

00:00:00 Pat welcomes us to the show. Today's special guests are returning favorites, Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap! Matt's rocking a pompadour hairdo. Jimmy says he looks like Gunnar. That's Gunnar from the show Nashville, not Gunnar Nelson from Nelson, so Matt really dodged a bullet there. Matt's hair has always looked good. It's starting to thin, apparently, but at least he made it to 40 with it. This is a real treat for Never Not Funny fans. This week they're getting the standard 2 hours of the regular show, another 2 hours of the Player's Club show, an hour and a half of this show. That's five and a half hours already, plus another 13 hours for Pardcast-a-Thon next week. That's a lot.
Hello everybody indeed.
Pat and Mike Schmidt were supposed to see Lou Gramm together, but Mike couldn't make it because he was too busy doing a podcast. The show started at 9 PM. The podcast started at 3!
00:05:00 Murray usually says he'll go to concerts, but at the last second he backs out. That no good Murray. Mike and Pat did see Asia, though. Pat's been trying to get John Wetton's autograph for years. He already has the other 3 original members' signatures. After the show, Pat, Mike, and a third guy waited for Wetton to come out. Out comes Wetton scurrying to his car, Pat asked him for an autograph and Wetton waved him off. Pat tried again, but Wetton drove away. The third guy got in his car and drove after him! He must have really wanted John Wetton's autograph. Pat went home and got on Twitter and complained to Wetton about not signing. Wetton responded that he would have signed if the guys asking for it weren't smoking. But they actually weren't smoking! Wetton straight-up lied. Pat called out his lie and Wetton made fun of his grammar. Story over.
00:10:00 What a very strange moment. It's one thing if a hundred guys were there, but it was only Pat and the third man asking for autographs. BUT WAIT! Detective Jimmy Pardo theorizes that there were two other guys inside the building who were smoking. Roadies, perhaps. It's far-fetched, but at least it inspires a flicker of hope in Pat's heart. Pat did get Lou Gramm's signature. He's a very tiny man. 5'6", according to Google. Lou Gramm wanted to get the signatures over with quickly, even though there were only a handful of people there. What's the deal? Matt thinks that maybe older rock stars are so used to being thronged by a lot of people asking them for autographs that they never got over it when the crowds died down.
00:15:00 Pat goes over the Lou Gramm setlist, while Jimmy sings the chorus to each song. Well, sort of, because some of the songs Jimmy sings aren't even the right songs. But god bless him for trying, dammit.
Here's why we're here: Next week is the 6th Annual Pardcast-a-Thon for the Smile Train charity. Smile Train raises money for corrective surgeries for children born with cleft palates. It takes place on November 28, from Noon to Midnight PST. There are a lot of guests booked. Collectively Pardcast-a-Thon has raised almost half-a-million dollars! You can watch it live at NeverNotFunny.com or on the VPN Channel on YouTube. Today's topic fits in with the upcoming event and is the second time we're covering it: Songs with the words "Smile" or "Train" in the title. But first…………*sigh*…………we have to listen to some Ted Nugent. Strap in, kids.
00:20:00 Pat's already played some stuff from Ted Nugent's new album Shutup & Jam!, but he wants to subject Jimmy and Matt to the same auditory torture that we went through. He plays "I Love My BBQ". Jimmy calls it a stand-up comedy middle act bit. It would kill in a club. Scary thing is he's probably right. Pat plays them the line "I love my BBQ, just like the Germans do." Is it a Holocaust reference? Maybe. Ted also calls Polish people "Polacks" in the song. Okay, that one is a little bit more on-the-nose. The other song Pat plays is "She's Gone" which has the opening banter between Ted and Sammy Hagar. It seems that Ted's woman has now left him and is walking the streets, which is a considerable life improvement over being with Ted Nugent.
"Ted Nugent has literally become a villain on Justified."
- Matt, with the line of the episode.
00:25:00 Those back and forth banters never sound realistic. Jimmy brings up Tom Jones' duet with Robbie Williams which had the same thing. The three talk about Robbie Williams and how he just can't break big in the US. He could walk through Times Square with a sandwich board that says "My name is Robbie Williams and I've sold millions of albums" and no one would care.
Okay, let's play some actual music. Jimmy starts us off with a former guest of Never Not Funny, Vance Gilbert. Off his album Old White Men, it's a song called "Boy on a Train". Fun fact about Vance Gilbert: Jimmy and his wife Danielle danced to his music at their wedding. Another fun fact: I once saw him open for George Carlin.
00:30:00 Matt's first pick is by Pearl Jam and is from their fourth album No Code. The song is called "Smile". Pearl Jam kinda dipped after their first few albums. Jimmy has never been a fan of the Pearl Jam sound. Pat's a guy who does like that song, but will probably never listen to it again. However, Matt brilliantly points out that given Pat's proclivity for buying entire band discographies (David Bowie, Alice Cooper, Joe Jackson, etc.), he'll most likely buy everything Pearl Jam has ever done sometime in the near future. Pat admits that it's probably true. Point for Matt Belknap. Jimmy bought a guy's entire discography based on hearing one song, but he can't remember the guy's name. John something. Off-topic, Billy Idol's new album is fantastic.
Back on topic, Pat plays his first pick. Off their album Daryl Hall & John Oates, it's Hall & Oates with "Sara Smile".
00:35:00 Jimmy struggles to come up with the guy's name, but then he gets it. It's John Fullbright. He bought 3 of his albums based on one song that a fan gave him. (Editor's note: That fan is none other than longtime Rock Solid fan Thomas Tate.) Pat claims he won the best Peter Gabriel auction on Ebay of all time: 9 remastered CDs and a DVD for 20 bucks. That's a steal. Pat watched the Genesis documentary and wanted to know more about Peter Gabriel, so he got all his albums. The verdict so far? The first three solo albums are great. The fourth solo album sucks, except for "Shock the Monkey." And So and Us are also two great albums. For some reason, the TV shows Welcome Back, Kotter and Calucci's Department gets brought up. Memories of Pat's childhood, it seems.
Up next for Jimmy is Nikki Sixx's side project with DJ Ashba and James Michael, Sixx:A.M.. The song is "Smile", off the album This Is Gonna Hurt.
00:40:00 Sixx:A.M. is a very good band. Jimmy wanted to a run-through of Motley Crue's albums. And boy, does Jimmy not like Motley Crue. Pat says the first album, Too Fast for Love, is great, then the next couple of albums suck, then Dr. Feelgood is good, then some more shit albums, and then the album with singer John Corabi is good. This leads them to the conclusion that Vince Neil is not a good singer.
Despite the rumors, John Corabi did not actually play Captain Jack Sparrow.
Making a transition away from Motley Crue, the guys are actually excited for the new Annie movie coming out. Matt has a song from the upcoming Annie Soundtrack, which is a cover of a song on the original soundtrack. It's Sia and her version of "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile". It sounds perfect for a dance montage. It's a bit strange to hear it on a show called Rock Solid, but Jimmy and Matt are song-and-dance men, after all, so we'll go along for the ride.
00:45:00 Pat injects some British metal into this whole situation. Off their album No Place to Run, it's UFO with their version of the song "Mystery Train". The lead singer Phil Mogg not only signs stuff, but he'll bring other band members over to sign stuff for you. Cool guy. We get some more TV talk. Pat is watching the new Showtime show The Affair. He gives it a thumbs up.
Jimmy's next band is one that never really made it, Flickerstick. He plays "Smile" off their debut album Welcoming Home the Astronauts.
00:50:00 The hosts call it a great album, but the band just never went anywhere. They were on a VH1 reality show called "Bands on the Run," but they didn't win. Speaking of reality shows, Jimmy and Matt gush over the Kiss arena football reality show "4th and Loud." GUSHING. They say it's phenomenal. The fun of the show is knowing that the team sucks and watching everyone flounder. We sidetrack AGAIN and all three hosts are eating and talking about candy. A candy podcast sounds like a million dollar idea, granted, but now isn't the time, gentlemen.
00:55:00 Jimmy tells a funny story about the Chicago chocolate company World's Finest Chocolate. When he was a kid, he almost got kicked out of school for stealing entire boxes of chocolate. Jimmy got caught and had to pay them back.
Alright, enough candy talk, back to the music. Matt's got some good ol' early 90s R&B for us. Off her album Inner Child, it's Shanice with the song "I Love Your Smile". That is quintessentially 90s.
Shut it down, shut it all down, we got some Foo Fighters to discuss. It seems that a guitar riff in their new song "Something from Nothing" sounds A LOT like the main riff in Dio's "Holy Diver."
01:00:00 Jimmy does some reenacting for us. He was listening at his computer and Danielle was working in the room. All of a sudden Jimmy goes, "No. No. What the fuck, OH NO!!" Even Danielle admits that it sounds like a ripoff. We decide to see for ourselves with a little side-by-side playing. First we hear "Holy Diver." Jimmy and Matt sing along, which is nice. And now we hear the Foo Fighters "Something from Nothing." It seems fine at first. Nothing really of note……oh, wait……yup, there it is. It sounds SO MUCH like the riff from "Holy Diver." But I mean, we're all sure it was an honest mistake. The Foo Fighters aren't malicious guys. They'll probably cut a check to Wendy Dio's charity to make up for it.
01:05:00 Back to Shanice. Matt drops a fun fact that Janet Jackson and Rene Elizondo Jr. are laughing in the background at the end of the song. Matt plays the end and we hear them laugh.
Pat asks Jimmy what time Pardcast-a-Thon starts? Noon. What time does it end? Midnight. Oh gee, what a coincidence that Pat's next song is "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight & the Pips from their album Imagination. That sure wasn't an obvious set up. Aretha Franklin recently did a cover of "Midnight Train to Georgia" and Matt says it's terrible. Matt plays some of it.
01:10:00 There are drum machines and what sounds like little kids background singers. Aretha Franklin's voice sounds fine, but it's nowhere near as good as the original. There's some more candy talk, by the way.
Jimmy's next pick is John Lennon's son Julian Lennon. Off the album Photograph Smile, it's the title track "Photograph Smile". Poor Julian. He was saddled with a Beatle for a dad. Sure there's the money, but your dad was A FUCKING BEATLE! And you're a musician too? How the hell are you supposed to live up to the hype? Pat calls John Lennon the most overrated Beatles. Interesting, interesting.
01:15:00 Matt's been doing smile songs all episode, but now he's gonna pull a train on all of us…………wait, that's not what it sounds like. He plays his favorites The Beastie Boys and a song called "B-Boy Bouillabaisse: Stop That Train", from the album Paul's Boutique. Pat can't get into the Beastie Boys because he thinks their vocals sound too comedic. Jimmy thinks that Beastie Boys fans need to shut the fuck up about the Beastie Boys. We get it, they were pioneers. Speaking of rap, Arsenio Hall's rap album gets brought up. Remember that? He pulled an Eddie Murphy and tried to transition to music. His music persona was a fat rapper named Chunky A. Matt plays the video to his song "Owwww!" which is basically a parody of "Word Up!" by Cameo. It's awful.
They let EVERYONE make an album in the 80s, didn't they?
01:20:00 Pat's next pick is America's totally innocent, 100% lovable sweetheart Taylor Swift. He plays "Tied Together with a Smile" off of her self-titled debut album. Pat listens to Taylor Swift regularly, even when his kids are not in the car. AAAAAAAAAAnd somehow we have transitioned to talking about deadly handjobs. As in, dying by way of getting a handjob. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?!?!
We get some plugs. You can use the hashtag #PCAT2014 to stay up-to-date on Twitter. Jimmy is absolutely torn with his last pick. He has an A-ha song, which makes Pat groan. Some Chris DeBurgh too. Jimmy decides to play a song by a guy named Radoslav Lorkovic. Off his album Clear and Cold, it's a song called "Ridin' on the Night Train".
01:25:00 Matt's last pick is by a band called Everthing But the Girl. He plays "Downtown Train" off their album Acoustic. There are many different versions of that song. Jimmy says it's the best version he's ever heard. Jimmy also cuts the listeners off at the pass who will complain that Jimmy didn't play "Make Me Smile" by his favorite band Chicago. It's too obvious, baby. You got to go deeper into the Pardo vault sometimes.
Pat gives some apologies to "Smile Away" by Paul McCartney, "Smile" by Jeff Lynne, and "Last Train to Clarksville" by The Monkees. His last pick is "Train Kept A-Rollin'" by Aerosmith, off their album Get Your Wings.
01:30:00 What did Matt not play? Bell Biv Devoe, Soul Asylum, Katy Perry, and Johnny Cash. A whole mish-mosh of stuff.
This was a fun show, but it's time to wrap up. Remember to check out Pardcast-a-Thon on November 28 and donate to the Smile Train organization. It's a wonderful cause, so every little bit helps. Matt plays us out with one of his unplayed picks. Off her album Take Your Time, it's Sheena Easton with "Morning Train".
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:20:00 I Love My BBQ Shutup & Jam! Ted Nugent Pat
00:20:00 She's Gone Shutup & Jam! Ted Nugent feat. Sammy Hagar Pat
00:25:00 Boy on a Train Old White Men Vance Gilbert Jimmy
00:30:00 Smile No Code Pearl Jam Matt
00:30:00 Sara Smile Daryl Hall & John Oates Hall & Oates Pat
00:35:00 Smile This Is Gonna Hurt Sixx:A.M. Jimmy
00:40:00 You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile Annie Soundtrack Sia Matt
00:45:00 Mystery Train No Place to Run UFO Pat
00:45:00 Smile Welcoming Home the Astronauts Flickerstick Jimmy
00:55:00 I Love to Smile Inner Child Shanice Mat
01:05:00 Midnight Train to Georgia Imagination Gladys Knight & the Pips Pat
01:10:00 Photograph Smile Photograph Smile Julian Lennon Jimmy
01:15:00 B-Boy Bouillaise: Stop That Train Paul's Boutique Beastie Boys Matt
01:20:00 Tied Together with a Smile Taylor Swift Taylor Swift Pat
01:20:00 Ridin' on the Night Train Clear and Cold Radoslav Lukovic Jimmy
01:25:00 Downtown Train Acoustic Everything But the Girl Matt
01:25:00 Train Kept A-Rollin' Get Your Wings Aerosmith Pat
01:30:00 Morning Train Take Your Time Sheena Easton Matt