Episode 162: Crime Spree

Episode 162: Crime Spree
Pat and Co-Host Mike Siegel act like a couple of criminals as they play songs about breaking the law. Kyle Dodson produces and drives the getaway car!
From August 21, 2014

With your hosts:

Pat Francis

Mike Siegel

00:00:00 Pat welcomes us to the show. We kick this episode off with some concert talk. Pat went to 4 concerts in the past 3 weeks. He saw Queen + Adam Lambert, Kiss and Def Leppard with Kyle, Ted Nugent with Kyle, and Don Felder, Styx, and Foreigner with Mike. Mike was 3 sheets to the wind for Felder/Styx/Foreigner. Was a bit bevved up, the old Siegster. There was someone smoking some doobage, some Mary Jane, some marijuana cigarettes, next to Pat and Mike and Mike partook. Jesus, Seigel, do you want to get back into your cocaine addiction? Because it's a slippery slope. First you take a few puffs of the reefer, then you're scavenging for dimes to sell to Tyrone in Washington Heights for an eight ball. The joint was a one hitter and it burnt Mike's fingers.
Pat and Mike had dead center seats. Styx and Foreigner have very few original members left. Chuck Panozzo, the bass player from Styx, played two songs. The guy's got HIV, though, so we can give him a pass. Mike has been very forgetful recently. The Herb plays with your mind, yo.
00:05:00 On the way home from the concert, Mike blew out his tire. He had to call AAA. Never change a tire yourself, it's too much work. All those nuts and bolts and doohickeys. Pat had a blowout while driving his daughter and her friends from a field trip. They wanted to play outside while they waited… right next to the highway.
Pat's review of the show: Styx is always great, the best band of the show. Tommy Shaw must keep a Voodoo Priest's heart in a box somewhere, because he doesn't age. Lawrence Gowan, the replacement of Dennis DeYoung, was good too. Foreigner came out, did 10 songs. There was not one original member on stage for the first 4 songs because Mick Jones didn't come out until halfway through the set. He's sick too.
00:10:00 They missed most of Don Felder's songs. He's not a great singer, but he's a good guitar player. Also the best looking Eagle. He looks happy. Pat gives the show a solid 8. Kyle comes in with Rock Solid Breaking News: Mick Jones had heart surgery. Thanks Kyle, you keep us posted. Pat's dad's heart is strong because he's always yelling and screaming. He goes to the doctor every week because he's a hypochondriac.
Pat's wife Pilar was mad that he and Kyle saw Ted Nugent. Hey, the show was free. Pat warned Kyle that Ted is crazy on stage. And boy oh boy, was Uncle Ted fucking nuts when they saw him in concert. Ted talked NON-STOP between songs. The band was good and it was nice to see Derek St. Holmes again. Pat got Ted's new album Shutup & Jam! for free. You can bet your ass he sold it very quickly. But not before he brilliantly decided to bring in 4 of the songs on the album to play for us today. With that, folks, it's time for………
00:15:00 We start off with the title track, "Shutup & Jam!". It's terrible. Then we get into "I Still Believe". Horrible. Then we get special guest Sammy Hagar joining in for "She's Gone". There's some fake banter before the song starts that layers the song with dogshit icing. Finally we get "I Love My BBQ". I wish I was making this stuff up. Ted has a German BBQ reference. Uh oh, what does that mean? Ted also says "Polacks." Ah geez there, Edith. The concert audience was packed by the way. It was a mess of a crowd, trailer trash to the highest degree. There were antlers on stage.
00:20:00 But the only saving grace is that Ted can play the guitar really well. Ted was bragging about his charitable hunting. Feeding the homeless with venison. Pat got Derek St. Holmes' autograph, so the night wasn't a complete waste.
Today's topic: Crime Spree! Songs about the law and those who break it. By the way, Pat and Kyle saw Kiss and they were phenomenal. Pat felt the magic again, whatever that means. Everyone was amazing. Paul's voice was shot, though. Paul isn't the best at stage banter. He makes it up as he goes, which leads to some awkward moments.
00:25:00 Mike's list is a bit punk heavy. He starts us off with a band called Sham 69. Off their album Tell Us the Truth, it's a song called "Borstal Breakout". Those Cockney accents really shine through.
Pat's first pick is Thin Lizzy. The song is "Killer on the Loose" off the album Chinatown.
Up next is a guy on the run for murder. The song is "Indiana Wants Me" by R. Dean Taylor from the album I Think Therefore I Am. Similarly, Ted Nugent is wanted by the police for impersonating a competent songwriter.
00:30:00 There have been a lot of crime duos: Bonnie and Clyde, Butch and Sundance, Hall & Oates. Off their album H2O, it's "Crime Pays". That is pure 80s. The paint in the J. Geils Band "Freeze-Frame" video gets brought up for some reason. Was that really paint? Kyle, get on that.
They could have done a whole show with the music from The Clash. Mike's pick is off their self-titled debut album. The song is "Jail Guitar Doors".
00:35:00 Pat's Clash song is from the album Sandinista!. It's called "Somebody Got Murdered".
Check yo forties and pop yo collars, cuz Mike Siegel's got some rap. Off the landmark album Straight Outta Compton, it's N.W.A with "Straight Outta Compton".
Pat Francis, known for being hip and with it, also has some rap. Well, sort of. More like a hardcore punk speed metal band with a rapper as its lead singer. Yes, it's Body Count with "Cop Killer" off the self-titled album. Both Ice-T and Ice Cube both regularly play cops now, ironically. Remember the controversial shit about "Cop Killer?" That was 22 years ago. Ice-T's real name is Tracy Lauren Marrow. Imagine that, one of the most hardcore rappers ever has two girl's names.
00:40:00 Mike has a doozy of a song coming up. By Ray Stevens, it's "The Streak" off the album Boogity Boogity. Awful, truly awful. Those novelty joke songs all stunk: "Pac-Man Fever," "Mr. Jaws." What were we thinking back then?
Pat's next pick is by The Ramones. Off the album Brain Drain, it's "Punishment Fits the Crime". Mike saw the Ramones only once. All the original members are dead. It's amazing how almost all of The Rolling Stones are still alive. Hell, Keith Richards has had enough cocaine in his system to put the Pablo Escobar cartel to shame and he's still kicking.
00:45:00 Mike's next pick is another British punk band. Off their album "Can't Stand the Rezillos", it's The Rezillos with "Somebody's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked in Tonight". Pat makes a "Rezillos and Isles" joke, because he's the worst.
We return to Don Felder and the Eagles with Pat's next pick. The song is "Guilty of the Crime" off of Long Road Out of Eden. Felder isn't in the band anymore because certain people want to hang on to more of the profits. Glenn Frye and Don Henley make Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley look like saints. And Joe Walsh just shuts up and plays. Everyone loves Joe Walsh. I bet that pisses Glenn Frye off.
The next song on Mike's list is about buying heroin. Mike has a song about drugs, surprise surprise. Off their debut album The Velvet Underground & Nico, it's The Velvet Underground with "I'm Waiting for the Man". Mike got into Bill Clinton's office, by the way. He was dating Clinton's assistant.
00:50:00 Mike has met Clinton a few times. It's like meeting Santa. And if you're a woman, you get to sit on Santa's lap. Clinton is thin now because he's a vegan. We get some subpar Clinton impressions. Christ, what is this SNL '95?
"Who da king, baby!"
Up next is The Who. Off the album Face Dances, it's "Did You Steal My Money". Roger didn't like Kenney Jones' drumming. Well, after Keith Moon, it's hard to come close to that same energy.
Mike's next pick is heading to prison for life. Off their self-titled debut album, it's Skid Row with "18 and Life". Pat saw Skid Row, Great White, Whitesnake, and Bad English in concert. Stacked lineup for sure.
00:55:00 Pat highly recommends the first Skid Row album. Kyle misheard the lyrics to "18 and Life." Instead of "18 and life, you got it," Kyle thought he said, "18 and life retarded." Um, what?!
We need a feminine touch for this crime special. Pat's next pick does just that. Off her debut album Tidal, it's "Criminal" by Fiona Apple. Fiona was only 19-years-old when she recorded that song. She's 36 now. By the way, what's the deal with those long album titles? Trim it down. I bought the album to listen, not to read.
Mike's had rap, heavy metal, novelty song. Let's go country. The song is "Mama Tried" by Merle Haggard off the album Mama Tried. But we get no sound at first. Dammit Kyle!
01:00:00 Vehicular theft is highlighted next with Pat's pick. Off the album Phobia, it's The Kinks with "Somebody Stole My Car". Pat took an unofficial Kinks tour in London. The cab driver didn't know who The Kinks were. How do you not know, you're British! Ray Davies gets no respect.
"'Oo the bloody 'ell is Ray Davies?"
Mike has a double dose of lawbreaking for us and they're TV theme songs! First up is "Theme from S.W.A.T." by Rhythm Heritage from the album Disco-Fied. Then we get a tribute to the late James Garner with "Theme from The Rockford Files" by Mike Post and Pete Carpenter.
Speaking of television and crimes, Pat's next pick brings the two together. Off the album Dehumanizer, it's "TV Crimes" by Black Sabbath.
01:05:00 This has been a very economical show. All the talking was done in the first 20 minutes and we've been ripping through the songs like tissue paper. Mike's next pick deals with environmental crimes. The song is "Poison in the Well" by 10,000 Maniacs from their album Blind Man's Zoo. Mike saw 10,000 Maniacs in college and Tracy Chapman opened for them. They booed her off the stage. Poor Tracy. Natalie Merchant is 50. April Richardson is here off-mic with all the hot Natalie Merchant biographical info.
While Hall & Oates said that "Crime Pays," Joe Jackson thinks that "Crime Don't Pay" from the album Beat Crazy. Pat is still in his Joe Jackson phase. He's also listening to Alice Cooper a lot.
01:10:00 Pat lost a lot of his songs in a computer crash. Mike is afraid of losing his photos. Mike gives apologies to AC/DC, Judas Priest, Johnny Cash, and Pretenders. His last pick is Michael Jackson. Off the album Bad, it's "Smooth Criminal". We have no idea what he is saying.
Pat's last pick brings us back to Thin Lizzy. Off the album Jailbreak, it's "Jailbreak".
01:15:00 Rec time is over, so it's back to our cells. Kyle plays us out with the band Chevelle. Off their album Sci-Fi Crimes, the song is called "Letter from a Thief".
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:15:00 Shutup & Jam! Shutup & Jam! Ted Nugent Pat (The Ted Nugent New Music Spectacular)
00:15:00 I Still Believe Shutup & Jam! Ted Nugent Pat (The Ted Nugent New Music Spectacular)
00:15:00 She's Gone Shutup & Jam! Ted Nugent (feat. Sammy Hagar) Pat (The Ted Nugent New Music Spectacular)
00:15:00 I Love My BBQ Shutup & Jam! Ted Nugent Pat (The Ted Nugent New Music Spectacular)
00:25:00 Borstal Breakout Tell Us the Truth Sham 69 Mike
00:25:00 Killer on the Loose Chinatown Thin Lizzy Pat
00:25:00 Indiana Wants Me I Think Therefore I Am R. Dean Taylor Mike
00:30:00 Crime Pays H2O Hall & Oates Pat
00:30:00 Jail Guitar Doors The Clash The Clash Mike
00:35:00 Somebody Got Murdered Sandinista! The Clash Pat
00:35:00 Straight Outta Compton Straight Outta Compton N.W.A Mike
00:35:00 Cop Killer Body Count Body Count Pat
00:40:00 The Streak Boogity Boogity Ray Stevens Mike
00:40:00 Punishment Fits the Crime Brain Drain The Ramones Pat
00:45:00 Somebody's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked in Tonight Can't Stand the Rezillos The Rezillos Mike
00:45:00 Guilty of the Crime Long Road Out of Eden Eagles Pat
00:45:00 I'm Waiting for the Man The Velvet Underground & Nico The Velvet Underground Mike
00:50:00 Did You Steal My Money Face Dances The Who Pat
00:50:00 18 and Life Skid Row Skid Row Mike
00:55:00 Criminal Tidal Fiona Apple Pat
00:55:00 Mama Tried Mama Tried Merle Haggard Mike
01:00:00 Somebody Stole My Car Phobia The Kinks Pat
01:00:00 Theme from S.W.A.T. Disco-Fied Rhythm Heritage Mike
01:00:00 Theme from The Rockford Files The Rockford Files Mike Post and Pete Carpenter Mike
01:00:00 TV Crimes Dehumanizer Black Sabbath Pat
01:05:00 Poison in the Well Blind Man's Zoo 10,000 Maniacs Mike
01:05:00 Crime Don't Pay Beat Crazy Joe Jackson Pat
01:10:00 Smooth Criminal Bad Michael Jackson Mike
01:10:00 Jailbreak Jailbreak Thin Lizzy Pat
01:15:00 Letter from a Thief Sci-Fi Crimes Chevelle Kyle