Episode 142: Country

Episode 142: Country
Pat and Murray turn the whole show into a hoedown when they decide to play both kinds of music... Country & Western.
From March 27, 2014

With your hosts:

Pat Francis

Murray Valeriano

00:00:00 Pat welcomes us to the show. Kyle is really sick and can barely talk. I guess we should now call him the "Almost Silent Partner."
Last night was Pat's 50th birthday party. It was a lot of fun. Pat's wife Pilar always worries that there won't be enough food when they throw parties, but Pat's birthday had more than enough chinese food. Murray came to Pat's party, and today went to a kid's birthday party. He and Pat talk about some of the hassles of children's birthday parties, like inviting neighborhood kids and not getting invited back.
00:05:00 Before delving into this week's topic, Murray brings us some extra goodness from one of his past episodes, Name Check. He plays "Big Sur" by The Thrills from the album So Much for the City
To introduce this week's topic, let's head on down to Bob's Country Bunker and see what kind of music they play.
"We got both kinds. We got Country and Western."
That's right, this week's topic is country music! Yes, Pat and Murray have decided to completely alienate the audience and steer this podcast spaceship right into a black hole of twangy guitars and moonshine jugs. (Only joking, fellas.) The two were a little hesitant about doing a country episode at first, but since they both love country music, they decided to just do it anyway.
00:10:00 Murray promises no bullshit country from him. "All whiskey and heartache," as he says. Murray kicks us off with George Jones and his song "The Race Is On" from the album The Race Is On. George was known as "The Possum" because of his looks, and he died just last year.
When Pat was growing up, he doesn't remember his parents being big fans of any specific artists, but they did have some albums around the house. Pat plays one of those songs he heard a bunch when he was a kid, "(I Never Promised You a) Rose Garden" by Lynn Anderson from the album Rose Garden. Kyle, channeling the voice of Tom Waits, pipes up that Lynn has two D.U.I.s under her belt.
00:15:00 Going back a bit to the Blues Brothers, Pat and Murray discuss the awfulness that is Blues Brothers 2000. Pat says that the opening scene is great, but after the first ten minutes, everything just tumbles into a big, steaming heap of dog shit.
A bad idea, if ever there was one.
The Beatles loved Murray's next pick,Buck Owens. From his self-titled album, the song is "Excuse Me (I Think I've Got a Heartache)". Buck's band was called the Buckeroos, which is in contention for the Pat Francis "Laziest Band Name Ever" Award. Buck also hosted Hee Haw, the Southern/Country version of Laugh-In.
00:20:00 Pat's next artist is a really great guy. Garth Brooks played five concerts in two days to help raise money for victims of the California forest fires a few years back. Pat plays "Standing Outside the Fire" from the album In Pieces. Pat was amazed that even though the show he saw was Garth's second of the day, it was still a fantastic show. He and Murray wonder if, like stand up comedians, musicians chastise themselves after a show for not performing well.
We go real old school with this next one. Murray's pick is Hank Williams Sr. with the song "Move It On Over". Murray cheers everyone up with the fact that Hank Williams Sr. died at 29 from drugs and alcohol.
Pat's next song is by one of Pat's favorite artists, Mary Chapin Carpenter. The song is "I Feel Lucky" from her album Come On Come On.
00:25:00 Murray and Pat give us a double dose of wild country hair with two Lyle Lovett songs. First, Murray plays his rendition of "Stand by Your Man" from the album Lyle Lovett and His Large Band. Then Pat plays "She's Already Made Up Her Mind" from the album Joshua Judges Ruth. The title of that album comes from The Bible, which leads to Murray saying that his dad is a retired preacher who now plays in a bluegrass band.
Murray's next pick is by Townes Van Zandt. From the album The Late Great Townes Van Zandt, the song is called "Pancho and Lefty". Townes lived a hard life: drugs, alcohol, the works. He died in 1997 at the age of 52.
00:30:00 Pat's next song is creepy. Like, really creepy. It's another one of his parents' songs too. From the album Behind Closed Doors, it's Charlie Rich with "Behind Closed Doors". It's a dirty song about a dirty girl who gets freaky behind those closed doors. Hey, they didn't call Charlie Rich the "Silver Fox" for nothing.
Murray brings up his ex-preacher dad again. Growing up, his dad wouldn't allow music in the household. Instead, Murray had these bad Christian albums with some of the worst album covers ever. This brings up the topic of sexy album covers, especially Carly Simon and her giant mouth.
00:35:00 For his next pick, Murray plays a contemporary song from a classic country lady. It's "Portland, Oregon" by Loretta Lynn from her 2004 comeback album Van Lear Rose, which was produced by Jack White. Speaking of the Coal Miner's Daughter, Pat doesn't understand why in 2014, coal mining is still just as dangerous as it was fifty years ago.
The perpetual dangers of sedimentary rock extraction aside, Pat's next song is by Faith Hill and is from her debut album Take Me as I Am. The song is "Wild One".
00:40:00 After another short conversation about Murray's dad and the Southern revival preacher circuit, Murray decides to whip out a clunker from his country canon in honor of his white trash family. The song is "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson from the album Here for the Party. It's awful, but when that song gets played at a Valeriano family reunion, Murray's cousins hold their Pabst Blue Ribbons in the air with pride.
Have you ever wondered what your favorite non-country artists would sound like if they recorded a country album? Well you're in luck, because Pat Francis has a segment for you. It's time for
Pat has two examples. The first is by Neil Diamond and is from a 1996 album called Tennessee Moon. It's the song "Tennessee Moon".
00:45:00 The second of Pat's examples is a bit of an odd duck. The album was only on iTunes for 24 hours, and after that, it disappeared into the aether, never to be heard from again. That is, until Pat decided to play it right now. From the album Countryside Blvd., it's the lead singer of Cheap Trick Robin Zander with a song called "Every Dog". According to Pat, it's one of the better songs on the album.
After a quick pee break from Pat, Murray "Depress the Audience as Much as Possible" Valeriano plays another country artist who died really young. It's Patsy Cline and the song is "She's Got You" from her album Sentimentally Yours. Patsy died in a plane crash at age 30.
00:50:00 Pat's next song is a story song and is by the Dixie Chicks. It's about a woman whose mother is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease, and the woman is trying to help her mother remember the things that she's forgetting. Off of their Grammy-winning album Taking the Long Way, it's "Silent House". Murray doesn't like it.
"I can't wait 'til I get Alzheimer's and forget I heard that song. What a piece of shit."
- Murray, with the line of the episode.
Murray's next pick is a duet between Johnny Cash and his wife June Carter. It's "Jackson" from The Essential Johnny Cash. Pat and Murray talk about Johnny Cash's birth name being J.R. Cash. Kyle, invoking the spirit of present day Bob Dylan in his vocal chords, relays that Cash's parents named him "J.R." because they couldn't think of a name. When Cash went into the army, they wouldn't let him have initials for his first name, so he picked "John."
00:55:00 Pat's got another story song for us. He is, after all, a sucker for them. This song's by a guy named Collin Raye. It's about a recovering alcoholic trying to rebuild his life in Little Rock, Arkansas. Fittingly, it's called "Little Rock" and is off of Raye's album Extremes. One of the lyrics in the song details how the guy sells VCR's at Walmart. Seriously. But Pat loves that song, so much so that it has made him cry.
Murray plays another Johnny Cash song. This one comes from his album Man in Black, it's the song "Man in Black".
Johnny Cash, contemplating whether he should wear black or black at his next concert.
01:00:00 Pat gives apologies to Trisha Yearwood and her song "Walkaway Joe". Instead, Pat dives headfirst into the glitz, the glamor, and the glory that is Glen Campbell's "Rhinestone Cowboy".
Murray notes that Campbell was part of The Wrecking Crew, one of the most successful studio musician groups of all time. Members included Campbell, Leon Russell, Carol Kaye, Tommy Tedesco, and Dr. John. Pat thinks most of those people are made up names.
Somehow, Jimmy Pardo gets brought up. At Pat's birthday party, he was wearing a cardigan, a Journey "Frontiers" T-Shirt, and a purple belt. "From the Prince collection," according to Pat.
Murray's second to last song is by a guy named Tom T. Hall and is from his album Ballad of Forty Dollars & His Other Great Songs. The song is called "How I Got to Memphis".
01:05:00 Pat plays his second to last song and wouldn't you know it, it's a story song. It's by Taylor Swift from her self-titled album. The song, about two kids growing up together and getting married, is called "Mary's Song (Oh My My My)".
Murray's last song is by country legend/eternal hippie/marijuana super-enthusiastWillie Nelson. From his first album ...And Then I Wrote, it's "Funny How Time Slips Away". Murray tells a story about how he saw Willie Nelson when The Dukes of Hazzard movie came out. Jessica Simpson came out during the concert to sing with him and got booed immensely. That's a bummer, man.
01:10:00 Pat's last song is... *sigh*... a story song. Trace Adkins, on his greatest hits album American Man: Greatest Hits Volume II, wrote a song about a girl who grows up and at each stage in her life, she keeps anticipating the next one (high school, her own apartment, etc.) Her parents keep telling her to treasure the present time instead of looking ahead so much into the future. During Pat's clip, the woman is now married and has kids of her own. The song is called "You Will Miss This".
The song ends and Pat is crying. He is crying. HE IS LEGITIMATELY CRYING ON THE PODCAST. I don't even... I don't... just... wow.
Mercifully, there are no more songs left to play so Kyle – a.k.a. Dr. Kananga's henchman from Live and Let Die – wraps it all up with "Country Song" by Seether from their album Holding Onto Strings Better Left to Fray.
Time Song Album Artist Who
00:05:00 Big Sur So Much for the City The Thrills Murray
00:10:00 The Race Is On The Race Is On George Jones Murray
00:10:00 (I Never Promised You a) Rose Garden Rose Garden Lynn Anderson Pat
00:15:00 Excuse Me (I Think I've Got a Heartache) Buck Owens Buck Owens Murray
00:20:00 Standing Outside the Fire In Pieces Garth Brooks Pat
00:20:00 Move It on Over Single Hank Williams Sr. Murray
00:20:00 I Feel Lucky Come On Come On Mary Chapin Carpenter Pat
00:25:00 Stand by Your Man Lyle Lovett and His Large Band Lyle Lovett Murray
00:25:00 She's Already Made Up Her Mind Joshua Judges Ruth Lyle Lovett Pat
00:25:00 Pancho and Lefty The Late Great Townes Van Zandt Townes Van Zandt Murray
00:30:00 Behind Closed Doors Behind Closed Doors Charlie Rich Pat
00:35:00 Portland, Oregon Van Lear Rose Loretta Lynn Murray
00:35:00 Wild One Take Me as I Am Faith Hill Pat
00:40:00 Redneck Woman Here for the Party Gretchen Wilson Murray
00:40:00 Tennessee Moon Tennessee Moon Neil Diamond Pat
00:45:00 Every Dog Countryside Blvd. Robin Zander Pat
00:45:00 She's Got You Sentimentally Yours Patsy Cline Murray
00:50:00 Silent House Taking the Long Way Dixie Chicks Pat
00:50:00 Jackson The Essential Johnny Cash Johnny Cash and June Carter Murray
00:55:00 Little Rock Extremes Collin Raye Pat
00:55:00 Man in Black Man in Black Johnny Cash Murray
01:00:00 Rhinestone Cowboy Rhinestone Cowboy Glen Campbell Pat
01:00:00 How I Got to Memphis Ballad of Forty Dollars & His Other Great Songs Tom T. Hall Murray
01:05:00 Mary's Song (Oh My My My) Taylor Swift Taylor Swift Pat
01:05:00 Funny How Time Slips Away …And Then I Wrote Willie Nelson Murray
01:10:00 You're Gonna Miss This American Man: Greatest Hits Volume II Trace Adkins Pat
01:10:00 Country Song Holding Onto Strings Better Left to Fray Seether Kyle